But I Did Everything Right

@audreycfrank

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all your ways, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

He told her he was not attracted to her anymore, did not love her, and had wasted the past five years of his life married to her. He wanted a divorce. She recoiled in shock, the unexpected declaration taking her completely off-guard. But they both serve in the church! He is a good father to their two children. She has done Bible studies on how to be a godly wife. How could this happen when she had done everything right?

She could not believe the doctor’s diagnosis. Surely he was mistaken. This must be a dream, a waste of time. The people sitting in the waiting room, now they were sick. But not her. She had done everything right, had done her best to walk through the darkest era of her life with valor and wisdom. She had handled stress the way one is supposed to. Exercise, prayer, communication, even therapy. She could not have a heart problem. But the doctor was looking at her with regret and compassion, awaiting her response to his terrible news. She couldn’t speak; all she could think about was the fact that she had done everything right.

The man and woman sat across from each other at the kitchen table, their routine after-the-kids-go-to-bed coffee sitting cold in their mugs. Like bombed-out buildings, they trembled, mere shells of themselves. Their teen daughter had just communicated that she wanted to die and that she believed God was not really powerful enough or loving enough to care. In fact, maybe He was not even real. The two parents reached their hands across the smooth wood surface and grabbed on tight, each asking themselves how this could have happened when they had done everything right. Images of their beloved child on the day she prayed and asked Jesus to be the Lord of her life, memories of the day she was baptized, all strolled down the catwalk of their minds, mocking their best efforts to build a family of faith. How could this have happened?

This belief is counter to the Gospel, and it is devastating to those who inevitably face the suffering and crushing life brings.

I have believed it. 

The man in the homeless shelter who was once a physician believed it before his wife left with their two boys. 

The single mother trying to provide for her children and raise them to be strong and confident once believed it. 

The young man who worked hard all through college only to be stopped short just before graduation with a life-threatening emergency surgery believed it, at one time.

What do we do when our beliefs lie in fragments around us, like razor sharp shards of broken glass? How do we rally and face the reality of suffering in life?

Trust in the Lord

The Hebrew word for trust, bytakh, in Proverbs 3:5 was used both in a physical sense: to physically lean upon something for support, and a figurative sense: to rely upon someone or something for help or protection. 

Life’s unexpected trouble can leave us needing physical, mental, and emotional support. All are found in the Lord. When we feel everything has been ripped out from beneath us, we can lean on Him in every way and know He will hold.

With All Your Heart

The “heart” encompasses the mind, emotions, and will. When we carefully, diligently, take each one before the Lord and entrust it to Him, He will steady us. He will stabilize our thoughts and show us the next clear thing to do, step by step. He will calm our emotions when necessary and He will hold us when they need to be poured out in the safety of His arms. He will give us wisdom so our will can conform to His, even when we cannot clearly see the future.

Do Not Rely on Your Own Understanding

Muslims believe that it is blasphemous to think God would ever suffer and die for humanity. In their belief system, this would deny the greatness of God and bring Him shame, stripping Him of power and sovereignty. So it is impossible, for He is too great for that.

Logically, this makes sense to the human mind.

But the truth is we serve a God who has accomplished what we humans cannot, by a way we cannot understand. He indeed chose to suffer and die on the cross, and be raised again to bring eternal life to each of us. Through suffering, life was established permanently.

Suffering is often nonsensical and agonizing. We struggle to understand, as if understanding would alleviate our pain and restore what has been lost.

Do not trust your understanding of the trial you face. Rely upon God, and ask Him to replace your thoughts with His own. Pray that He will supplement your incomplete view with divine wisdom that you may persevere.

God brings beauty out of ashes, life out of death. We do not understand it. But we have seen it and we believe it.

In All Your Ways Acknowledge Him, and He will Make Your Path Straight

The only way through life’s hardest days is one step at a time. Take the Lord’s hand and walk step by step, minute by minute, day by day with Him. Don’t worry about the path; hold tight to His hand. You will look back one day and see He made your path straight even as you walked through the darkness.

Lord, help me trust you in my circumstances today. Give me wisdom beyond my limited understanding, and lead me one step at a time. Amen.