A Letter to My Friend on Her Darkest Night

for W.

@audreycfrank.com

Dear KSICJF&E,

My dearest Kindred Spirit In Christ Jesus Forever and Ever you know I am so much better at written words than spoken ones. Spoken words have gotten me in more trouble than I would like to admit in my life. But you already know that too well about me. So I will pen you this letter, this outpouring of my heart, and hope it reaches the deepest place of yours.

When we made up this acronym more than thirty years ago, two best friends giggling over our newfound freedom as licensed drivers, we had only a glimmer of just how inspired it was.

We did not fully comprehend as teens that our Third Cord, Christ Himself, would never. let. us. go. Even on the darkest night.

We could not see the long road of life ahead of us, the hills and valleys, sharp, dangerous curves, and long, straight lanes lined with rosy hedges. But boy, did we dream about them.

Hundreds of letters over oceans, across nations, on holidays, birthdays and just-because days have passed between us since then, all signed with our signature acronym: Love, YKSICJFE&E.

Over the decades we have prayed each other through everything. College decisions, husbands, babies, toddlers, teens. (Our husbands know we prayed them into our lives and continue to pray them in place.)

One of my favorite memories is the night we sat in my car after work and you kicked me when I prayed for God to give you patience. Maybe we should have added one more letter to our acronym:

S for Sassy.

Through all the seasons, the Third Cord has held.

I was supposed to meet you for lunch next week. The flurry of text messages flew through cyberspace, quivering with excitement as we looked at our busy lives and schemed to make a way.

I’m swamped but let’s meet halfway! xoxoYKSICJF&F

Sounds great! I’ll check my schedule and get back to you! YKS, etc:)

In the predawn hours this morning you sent me another text, and this time you forgot to add YKSICJF&E. Your precious girl, the only child of your womb, went home to heaven with Jesus last night. 

Prayers plz…

Instead of escaping to a fun lunch with you in a town halfway between our two-hour distance, I raced at breakneck speed up the winding mountain road to your house, blinded by my tears and trying not to swerve as I groaned and cried out loud in the privacy of my car. (Please, God, if a patrolman stops me, help him understand I MUST GET THERE QUICK.)

When I entered your home, thick, I-can-touch-it-peace reached for me and took me in its embrace as I ran to you. It was the kind of peace that seems insane and impossible during tragedy, but promised to all who trust in the Lord.

There you were, my Kindred-Spirit-In-Christ-Jesus-Forever-and-Ever, your Bible on one side of you and a pile of tissues on the other. You looked frail and mighty all at the same time. You were pale and shining at once. Somehow completely destroyed yet whole, there you stood, where you always have. You stood tall on God’s promises (though some would dare call you tiny).

And the Third Cord wrapped us tightly together as we hung on each other and sobbed.

Your faith amazes me. I listened as you spoke words of Truth and Encouragement to each visitor who came. (Those two mighty words must be capitalized because they were no mere words you spoke, they were straight from the source of Truth itself, the Word of God you have hidden in your heart for your whole life. Spilling out, bursting forth on your darkest night, they rang with strength and authority. Indeed, no mere words those.)

I watched astounded and challenged, inspired and hopeful as you comforted others with the Truth you know even when you stand in a loss you cannot understand.

There is hope in this darkness.

I came to help in the background, to do whatever is needed quietly and as unobtrusively as possible. But you, my Kindred-Spirit-In-Christ-Jesus-Forever-and-Ever are helping me even as you reel from grief that threatens to rip you in two.

We never know how long we have with someone, do we? Psalm 139:16 says, “Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”

As we held our newborn babies and looked heavenward, tears of gratitude streaming down our faces, we dared not think they were not really ours to keep. Deep in our hearts, the truth is, we have known it all along.

We also know something else about those prayed and begged-for children of ours. God saw each of their unformed substances. In His book was written every single day of their lives. And those days were formed by Him before one ever existed.

We know Jesus held your treasure in His arms and bore her safely Home last night. He is holding us, my KSICJ. Forever and Ever.

We can feel heaven’s breezes brushing gently against us as we go through the necessary motions loss requires at such a time as this.

The hope of #heaven is not just #hope; it's reality. #grief #loss Share on X

We see flashes of its glory as we bend over photographs of her dazzling smile (um… actually that would be every single photograph ever taken of that sunshine-smiling girl of yours).

We catch whiffs of heaven’s sweet fragrance as so many, many people who loved her wrap their arms around us and hold tight.

Heaven is a real place, and we will be there forever and ever with your precious girl, my KSICJ.

Until then, the Third Chord will hold us as it always has, and I will be here to pray with you through this terrible season.

I love you,

YKSICJFE&E