Ashamed to Be So Needy
But as for me, I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and my deliverer; you are my God, do not delay. Psalm 40:17, NIV
I learned early in life to be ashamed of my need.
Needy. Clingy. Desperate. Leech. All these unkind words are tossed around to describe one who is crying out for relief from her suffering.
No one wants a needy friend, and no one sets out to be one.
The day I learned this lesson, I was twelve, in seventh grade, and just returning to middle school after abuse had forced my mother to hide us away in a battered women’s shelter for a time.
I saw a friend in the midst of the crowd, and my heart surged with hope for a moment. After all, it was her house next door I had bravely run to for help that fateful day as the flames grew higher in my own. I thought she was a safe place. A safe person.
Before I could speak, her words sliced through my heart like a serrated knife:
“Oh, no. Here she comes. Pitiful. She just wants attention. Let’s go before she can tell us her sob story.”
I froze, confused and mortified, shame knocking the breath out of me. I remember the silence. My own, and that of the other girls who stared a moment too long before slipping away.
After that day, among other survival skills, I taught myself to shove my need deep inside, never to expose it.
The problem with need is that it, well, needs. It does not stay hidden, obedient to our strongest efforts to keep it under control. It hungrily searches for something to fill it.
Unadmitted need manifests itself in the form of migraine headaches, fatigue, overeating, substance abuse, and anger. It creates false humility and strenuous, approval-seeking service. In the end, neglected need robs us of the joy and comfort of relationship for which we were created, both with people and with God.
The reality of our need greatly impacts our relationships with people and with God.
Psalm 40 begins with the beautiful admission,
“I relied completely on the Lord, and he turned toward me and heard my cry for help” (verse 1).
We can learn from David about how to handle our need.
Before David lays out his neediness before the Lord, he looks back and reminds his soul of God’s faithfulness.
He was needy before, and the Lord heard and rescued him. He is now needy again, and he can be sure God will hear him again. And again, and again.
Admitting we are needy begins to look like a great idea when we continue reading in verses 2 and 3:
“He lifted me out of the watery pit, out of the slimy mud. He placed my feet on a rock and gave me secure footing. He gave me a reason to sing a new song, praising our God. May many see what God has done, so that they might swear allegiance to him and trust in the Lord!”
That is rescue! I want to admit my need to a God like that. Do you?
If David were on Twitter or Facebook today, he might post something like this about handling neediness:
- #relycompletely on the Lord
- #admityourneed to Him first.
- #IDsafepeople in your life and share your need with them.
- #remindyourself of God’s faithfulness when you are needy again; because you will be.
Join me today in being brave. Admit your need. Look to the One who lifts us out of the mud and makes us secure. And sing a new song where shame once held you silent.
Lord, I am needy. You are my help and my God. Lift me up and make me secure today. Amen.
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