I Lift up my Soul

 

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.

Psalm 25:1

 

Gladden the soul of your servant, for to you, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.

Psalm 86:4

 

Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.

Psalm 143:8, all ESV

Mysterious soul, how challenging it is to translate you into the languages of the earth. Each of these Psalms shares the small and mighty Hebrew word for soul, nephesh, but translators struggle to fully communicate its beautiful breadth.

There is only one small phonetic difference between nephesh and the Arabic word nefs. Many years ago, rather than searching in a dictionary, I grew to understand nefs by living with other souls. As we learned to communicate our hearts to one another, I often heard my friends say to me, “f nefsi…” which I discovered meant from my heart, my innermost intention, my deepest desire. I eventually asked what nefs was exactly, and one friend explained, “It is the center of you. Inside, the deepest part that makes you you. The place everything in life comes from, where truth lives.”

Later, I learned from a language teacher that one translation of nefs was soul. 

I enjoy learning the meaning of words by living them first, especially amongst linguistic cousins like Arabic and Hebrew. 

Wherever we are, we are all learning the meaning of #soul. Like breathing, we interact with our souls and the souls of others every moment. And each of those souls longs for God, whether they realize it or not. Share on X

Growing up in a small, rural church, I heard about my soul every Sunday, always in one context. 

Is your soul saved?

Thank God for faithful Gospel preachers not afraid to ask the question. As a nine-year-old, I didn’t need the Bible College degree I would later acquire to explain to me that I had a soul, and it longed for a Savior.

But at some point in the years since, having secured the salvation of my soul, I tucked it to bed, satisfied that our business was done, and went on my way living separately from it. I didn’t realize that the saving of my soul was only the beginning of a beautiful journey of transformation with my Savior, my soul, and my truest self.

I am beginning to be aware now. My soul longs for the Lord like the watchman waits for the morning. I lift up my soul to my God and I pour it out before Him. My soul seems to be growing larger and with its growth I am beginning to wonder just how much I have missed in all the years of ignoring it, stuffing it smaller to fit my surroundings, silencing it, making it perform for acceptance, punishing it for wanting too much of the Lord (because we must never be Too Much, even as followers of Jesus, who did outrageously countercultural things to display the glory of His Father).

It reminds me of a grand mirror that once stood in my great-grandmother’s rarely-used guest room. The mirror stretched across the door of a gigantic wardrobe. Standing before it I could see not only myself but the entire room behind me and all that surrounded me. It is the same mirror I ran to after I discovered a photograph of my biological father hidden away in an attic book. I stood transfixed before the mirror, holding the photo beside my face, staring, marveling at my resemblance to him. I remained there for a long time, tracing my nose, my cheekbone, and my rebellious curls, astonished by the revelation of his image in my own. 

It was the feeling of belonging, followed by an intense longing to know and be known by the one I resembled.

I feel like I’m that little girl again who discovered a photograph of her real Father. I stand before my soul, that grand mirror, and I can see my smallness (I am not finished growing yet!) I can see my background stretching into the shadows behind me. I can see the light catching on the image of a girl and her Father, and the awe in her eyes as she sees Whose she is, and Who she looks like. My soul towers like a mirror reflecting my Father’s image and inviting me to belong. 

And the longing to know and be known by the One I resemble is almost painful in its intensity.

What will happen if we really lift up our souls to the Lord?

Lord, You are always all I have ever wanted. I lift up my soul to you today. Have Your way in me. Amen.

@audreycfrank

Photo by Daiga Ellaby on Unsplash