Speak Your Beautiful Heart: Becoming Real
Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:8, NIV
Since I was a child, I have had an inordinate desire to talk to someone. Growing up in abuse and trauma, one of the first lessons I learned was not to talk to anyone.
Don’t let people in; don’t let them see what is real; don’t let them know about the darkness behind your four walls.So I began to write. I wrote to God, and to myself. Writing brought me nearer to God, and He became my refuge. He did not edit the grammar of a mountain girl who spoke in colloquial English words like ain’t and y’all. He understood my metaphorical thinking and never scolded me for thinking in pictures, trying to express them in words.
On scraps of paper, yellow legal pads, and cheap journals from the dollar store I poured out my pain, my thoughts, my dreams, my fears. My secrets.
Writing has been my constant companion since I could hold a pen. Some children have imaginary friends, and I may have, too, although I don’t remember one. I have had my writing, and like a true friend should, it has led me to truth and to God.
I still struggle to open up to people. The thought flits in my mind like a nasty horsefly, If you are real they will reject you. When this happens, I take a deep breath, shut out the crowds, and look to my Father. I remind myself that my adequacy is from Him and then I do what He has asked me to do: be vulnerable.
Every time I stand before an audience of one or of hundreds and self-disclose it is an act of obedience. For in my life, writing has led to talking. You can’t write about the hard journey from shame to honor and stay silent for long.
Others step forward, encouraged by your vulnerability, and offer their transparency too, holding hearts out for examination like fragile flowers. One does not reject such beautiful offerings, hiding behind old habits of self-protection. One speaks out, one begins to talk, one realizes that writing cannot remain a silent, imaginary friend. It must become a speaking, living being, one who lays down her pain beside another’s and walks to healing together. We are stronger, we are invincible, together.
Shame cannot bear sincere love. Disgrace and humiliation flee from the light of honesty.
The lie is exposed; we are not alone in our pain after all!
With thunderous glory, the landscapes of our lives shift and change, and the old landmarks are swallowed up, demanding a new way forward. A way full of life and purpose, healing and wholeness.
I will always write, at least until these fingers can no longer move across the keyboard or hold a pen. But I will not remain silent any longer. Writing will not be an imaginary friend only serving me. My writing has become real.
Are you hiding in silence today? My prayer for you is that you can find courage to come out and speak your beautiful heart. Someone needs your vulnerability. I’m in your corner.
-Audrey
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Don’t hide in silence; speak your beautiful heart today. Someone needs you. #courage #honorshame
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The Conversation
Audrey Frank, thanks so much for the post.Much thanks again. Really Cool.
You are very welcome, ITfacto. Thank you for reading and commenting.
ITfacto, Thank you for reading and commenting!